Focusing on the Heart: Model Forgiveness

Some days it feels like you're finally turning a corner with your child, and then the next day they make the exact same mistake all over again. Sound familiar? Discipline is hard, but there's one thing every child needs to hear from us after they mess up: "I forgive you." Forgiveness doesn't erase consequences, but it reminds our kids that they are not defined by their mistakes. And just as God's mercies are new every morning, we can give our children the gift of a fresh start.

Knowing when and how to discipline our children can be confusing.

There are days when you feel like your child is really getting it. You see progress, you have a great conversation, and you think, “Maybe we’re finally turning a corner!” And then the next day, they do the exact same thing all over again.

It can be exhausting.

Our kids are going to mess up. They’re going to make bad choices, hurt someone’s feelings, talk back, forget what we just told them, and sometimes repeat the same mistake over and over. And if we're honest, we do the same thing.

That’s why one of the most important things we can teach our kids is what forgiveness looks like. The Bible reminds us in Ephesians 4:32 to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

When your child messes up, tell them that you forgive them. Actually say the words: “I forgive you!”

That doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences. Sometimes our kids need to apologize, make something right, lose a privilege, or experience a consequence for their choices.

But forgiveness is still part of the process.

When we forgive our kids, we’re reminding them that they are not their mistakes. We can say, “What you did was wrong, and there is a consequence for that choice. But I love you. I forgive you. And I know you can make a better choice next time.”

That’s an important message for a child to hear. 

But here is another important part of forgiveness: Give them a fresh start. 

As parents, it can be easy to keep bringing up the past and keep our kids living in yesterday’s mistake. Our child messes up, and even after the issue is dealt with, we find ourselves reminding them about it again and again.

But God gives us a different picture. “His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.” Lamentations 3:22-23

New every morning.

What if we gave our kids that same gift?

Yesterday may not have gone well. Maybe there was a bad attitude, a poor choice, or a big consequence. But when tomorrow comes, it’s a new day.

We can say, “Yesterday was hard. We talked about what happened, and we dealt with it. But today is a new day. Let's try again.”

Our kids need to know that one mistake doesn't determine who they are. And one poor choice doesn't mean they can't make a better choice next time.

Tomorrow is a new day. 

Grace. Forgiveness. And a fresh start.

 

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